In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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