you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
