I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
