I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
she told me i tasted like america
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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