i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
