well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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