would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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