Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
