I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
