Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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