if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
