At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
