it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
