I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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