physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
