STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Randomize
