Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
