please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
