I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
