I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
accomplished twins. life is a go
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
