yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
