I wish my penis had an off switch
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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