Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
