i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
