so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
