i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You took a bar mat shot.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
