and my herpes radar will keep us safe
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
