my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
