Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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