She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
