ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Randomize
