My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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