Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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