You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
from now on my penis is your penis
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
