I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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