Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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