just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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