his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
