So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
