can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
