I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My vagina just clenched in fear
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