I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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