bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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