K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
