Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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