I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
