Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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