Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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