He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
