i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
